Waiting for the Shoe to Drop
We’ve recently meet several new groups of people. While I like people I also feel drained after being around people for any length of time. Over the years I’ve learned to not enjoy social occasions, the “harmless” chit chat, because inevitably the questions come. Are you married? How long have you been married? Do you have children? How old is your son? Do you have other children? Don’t you want more children? Why don’t you just adopt? You don’t want him to be an “only child” do you? What is wrong with you?
After the questions comes the time of unsolicited advice: You better get started on having kids. You’re not getting any younger you know. He needs a sibling. If you just x,y, or z you’ll get pregnant. Adopt and you’ll get pregnant just you wait and see. Better not do that IVF stuff or you’ll have a litter like that lady did. Those are just some of the nicer actual comments I’ve gotten over the last decade and a half. I won’t sully my blog with some of the more intrusive, accusatory, and other wise ignorant comments I have received.
In recent years the question is not as painful a subject as it was early on with empty arms. Or, in the later years with our blessed miracle the reminder of things we were fully aware of. It is not as difficult as it was after we decided not to adopt. It is not as heart wrenching as it was to hear the year after our long awaited second miracle was born to heaven. Over the years I’ve learned, for the most part, to ignore the less than helpful advice of the uninformed and blissfully naive. A certain amount of healing does come with time.
While it isn’t voiced as often I see the questions in their eyes. The wondering. It’s always obvious that we have the only “Only Child” in the group. It’s not that he is all that different from the other kids. Maybe he cringes a little at the loudness and bustling of so many children/siblings all together, but he is no more or less bossy, selfish, giving, caring, playful, you name it than any of the other kids in the group. No, he stands out because for our 17 years of being married he is the only child they see when they look at our family.
With time it is now assumed that we planned things that way and the questions and opinions come less often. My child is almost 12 years old and while it is no longer is the first question I am asked upon meeting new people, it is still on occasion asked. While the wound is mostly healed I still wait for the shoe to drop. To meet someone curious enough to give voice to the questions once more. To have that moment where I hesitate and wonder how to reply when I am asked, “Is he your only child?”