The Only Child Question
Seems everyone has an idea of how life in general works and is suppose to go. It amazes me the unsolicited advice given by well meaning people. Wither they know what is really going on or not. About subjects that quite frankly are private and none of their business anyway.
When we married young everyone assumed we must be pregnant why else get married? After we’d been married for a few years everyone told us we should be having babies by now. Once we were finally blessed with a child, and he was over a year old, everyone informed us he needed a sibling so he wouldn’t be an Only Child.
I’m still asked today when meeting new people if he is an Only Child. In that tone of voice like it is some sort of curse to be one. Must be because I’ve heard often enough how they had another child or where planning on another so (s)he wouldn’t be an Only Child! Sadder still is the assumption that we must be selfish for making him be an Only Child.
Apparently all Only Children grow up spoiled and socially inept and everyone knows an Only Child who is just like that to prove it. I’m sure we’ve all heard someone dismiss bad behaviour saying, “Oh, (s)he’s an only child.” What about all the children with siblings who are spoiled, shy, sheltered, selfish, etc etc? Where is the, “Oh, he has all those siblings! No wonder he acts like that.” comments then?
Sharing a bedroom/genetics does not guarantee a close relationship. Having siblings does not guarantee a giving and selfless spirit. Having siblings does not guarantee a built in playmate. Having siblings does not guarantee better behavior. It doesn’t even guarantee, although increases the likelihood, of nieces or nephews.
Having siblings only guarantees just that. A brother or sister so long as you both live.
Before you dismiss behavior and character as a result of the number of children in a family consider the parenting and personality of the person and not the number of siblings they have. And before you inform someone that they need to start or grow their family think about all the things you might not know about the situation…
A few links to related articles and resources.
http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/unsolicited-comments-about-your-family-p A funny, if sadly accurate, flow chart of how people assume your life should go.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2001/marapr/10.66.html An article on Secondary infertility and how the “Is (s)he your Only Child?” question can sting.
http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/SN01.htm Only Child myths and facts
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/HSBCompanyBlog/227509/ Homeschooling Only One – Common Fallacies
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content2/only.child.html Some interesting statistics regarding the Only Child. .
http://www.onlychild.com/home.html A good resource for parenting an Only
http://www.helium.com/tm/66556/children-centered-selfish-oudated I love the last line in this article.